Monday, March 26, 2012

Case of the Mondays...

Today I have a whole new meaning for the typical term "case of the Monday's" because today I RAN!!!!! It wasn't pretty, it wasn't long, but it was running. I don't know how far I went, two songs...three - but I don't care because it felt glorious! It's odd...when I was getting prepped for surgery last week they talked about how low my iron was, in fact, they seemed quite concerned about it telling me I needed to get in and see my woman Doc ASAP. Well, after surgery, I upped my iron in the hopes that my low iron was causing my no running. Is it really that simple? A little Fe and suddenly I am Forest? Or maybe it was due to my La Bodega happy hour and gal pal time with Erin, Coleen and Shelley - maybe what I need is more Sangria, not iron!!! Don't get me wrong, I am no where near my "in the middle of chemo Boston" shape, but I will take this!  I definitely have a case of the Mondays and I LOVE IT!!!! Life is grand my friends, it is grand.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Once a runner...

Well, surgeries over! So far they look better, but still have to wait until the swelling goes down. From the first 4 surgeries, we determined that I'm allergic to dermabond, as I would have an itchy rash that covered my chest after every surgery. This time they only used steristrips and that white medical tape...yep, same rash. Guess I'm allergic to all medical adhesive!

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about surgeries...I'm a bit bummed this evening and thought blogging would help me out a bit. I feel like any running talent I had is completely gone. Went out for a jog tonight-thought it'd be perfect, a warm rain, good smelling spring air, haven't lifted in a week in the hopes that my running skill would return-but nope, couldn't make it half a mile on a downhill decline.

If my running statistics weren't in black and white, people wouldn't believe I ever was a runner. The sad part is, in about a week and a half, I'll be expected to run 4 in a row as I stupidly signed up to run brew-to-brew with some friends. I know they don't care, but really, when it takes someone well into an hour to do 4 miles...they may change their minds! Don't get my wrong, my friends are the most wonderful, nonjudgemental people you'd ever meet-but I really was a runner at a time and I just think it will be shocking to them how quickly I've declined. Just last year I finished Boston, now I can't run a mile...ugh. I feel like T-rex tryin' to do pushups...something's just not clicking.

It's just difficult to accept when the one thing that defined you for so long is no longer there...not a smidgen, not a pinch. I was once a runner-not the fastest, not the slowest-but a runner nonetheless. What defines me now? Anyway, sorry to be such a Debbie Downer tonight...hopefully tomorrow my head will be up and I will make it 3/4's of a mile!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Fifth time's a charm!!

Well, since it's been over 4 months since my last blog post, figured I'd better start in again!! It's actually pretty therapeutic blogging, if I can get over the fact that there aren't enough hours in the day to add another "to do", I think I would enjoy putting out all my unnecessary thoughts and opinions anyway... it's good for the soul, right?

On a positive note, I have my fifth, and hopefully final surgery on Thursday, I am so ready to get in there and move on. Nothing invasive, they just want to add some more alloderm to the inner side of my implant, as I my skin is thin due to the mastectomy (Dr. Conner did a great job of scraping out all that tissue) so you can see my implant rippling a bit. Should be in and out. Jon is going to take me. For those who have never met him, he is the most amazing boyfriend, communicative, understanding, thoughtful, and he's been really great throughout all of this and I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't here to calm me a bit. Especially when it comes to the whole running thing...

I have no idea what happened to my running! People keep asking me what my next race is and honestly, I can't even run a mile at this point. I don't think most believe that...until they actually run with me, then they're like "OH...she can't run a mile...I get it." Not sure how that even happens - lack of running + mental block?? When what defined you is suddenly gone it's frustrating and sad. It's hard to know you can't achieve what you once could at even a small portion of your past success. The weather is getting nicer so I hope whatever I am missing finds it's way back! So... positive words?? Ideas? I'm open to any and all!

Well that was a quick and short update, I guess not a lot happens in 4 months huh?? Hopefully I'll type a little more...until next time, XOXO!