A little cheese with that w(h)ine...

So, I ended up at my favorite local bar after work yesterday...after a fabulous martini and a couple glasses (all right, bottles) of wine, I was feeling pretty good! I got to thinking that a lot of times I will sit there, wine in hand, so I don't have to go home and sit and think by myself. When left with my own thoughts and the use of the internet, I come up with all sorts of things on what the next course of treatment will lead to (damn you webmd...damn you)! For example, I think about the next surgery, which I know will go just fine, but I'm nervous about what I'll see after the swelling goes down. I already have a "dent" from the previous surgery and I'm not workin' with a lot here if you get what I'm saying...the tumors added fullness, bounce (kidding) - will a half masticated breast be left in its place? I know that's not bound to happen and even if it does there is always a fix, but these are the results when left with your thoughts.

Then I got on facebook this morning, still wallowing a bit when an old friend instant messaged me. We picked up where we left off chatting like we'd just seen each other yesterday. I ended up telling him about my diagnosis, he has a lot of experience in that area, as his mother has been undergoing treatment for quite some time. He reminded me over and over again to stay positive, he said he remembered me as a motivator and said that he always thought of me as a positive thinker! I was and still am a cheerleader to some! Well, click the "like" button on that one! Sometimes it's so easy to get wrapped up in your own pity party that you forget how others may rely on you for strength, motivation, and positivity. You forget how you need to rely on you for strength, motivation, and positivity.

This doesn't mean that you can't have "down" days, days where you are exhausted emotionally and need a little "woe is me" time. But what I resolve to do is to stop googling, stop digging, stop searching...just to let the cards fall where they may and to come to terms with my own thoughts. Everyone knows that none of that superficial crap matters anyway! One breast, two breast, red breast, blue breast-who really gives a damn! And anyone who would judge you based on the social norm as stated by Victoria (and her stupid secret) isn't worth the breath anyway, right!! When you have people that love you and care about you for you, then nothing else matters.

Sometimes it takes days like today to realize, yet again how blessed I am. Often times the mountain seems too big, too daunting, but if you take it a section at a time and have a strong belayer on the bottom to catch you if you fall, then you'll reach the top...and beyond! So again, big hugs and lots of kisses go out to all of my belayers, my cheerleaders...I have never relied on you more and appreciate all of the incredible support-and the kick in the rump when needed (especially during my private pity parties)!! I don't think I've told you enough how much it means to me! And if any of you ever, ever need a shoulder to lean on, feel free to call me-no matter how big or small-you bring the w(h)ine, I'll bring the cheese-we'll get all those pent up thoughts out on the table, then pick each other up and remember how absolutely fabulous we are!! XOXO