Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall

Odd post name, I know, but I love the quote and it's so much better then just naming this "Updates" so there ya' go! I started Thursday off with the fertility doctor, who really just made me feel old! He said that after chemo, I will begin my tamoxifen and have to do that for 5 years before even attempting to have child. So that'll put me around 37. He said my ovaries will actually be about 50+ after all the treatment - yes I will have old ovaries. So chances of having a baby will be very low. He said he could freeze my eggs - so I wait a month, get a bunch of medicine shoved into me to produce some eggs hoping that when I am 37, I can do invitro...My other option, surgery to remove an ovary and freeze it. I have always been about 90% sure I didn't want kids, but you never realize how much you think about this stuff when you are told you can't. All that being said, I don't think I'll do either of the above. If at 37 I desperately need a child, I'll follow in the footsteps of Kim and adopt; or I'll get on meth and head to the nearest Walmart parking lot...either way I feel extremely fulfilled in life and honestly don't believe I will be someone who has something "missing" if I don't procreate...so that's that. Decision #1: made.

Thursday afternoon my dad and I met with the surgeon. She really reiterated what she said last week stating that she really believes all the cancer is out and that I have clean margins, but since she has a very small doubt, she would recommend the mastectomy. She said my last path report showed focal atypical lobular and ductal hyperplasia, which is just an increased risk factor for cancer. She said since I already had both of those cancers, it worries her since hyperplasia is field-wide (meaning other breast as well). She said she would support me in whatever I decided, she just said it is difficult to track recurrence in irradiated lumpectomy areas. She said she'd let me think about it for a month since we wouldn't be able to do the surgery until after chemo anyway. This is my biggest decision right now and the one I'm back and forth on the most. I would prefer (obviously) to not have one, but at the same time would hate to have this pop up again in 5-10 years. Decision #2: undecided.

Finally on Friday my dad and I met with the oncologist. No change there, still doing chemo! I was still torn between TC and CMF, the doc said he would probably prefer TC, but the choice was mine. He said he would bring the question to the next oncology board to see what others thought. I said I didn't really care about the side effects (i.e. losing hair) but I just wanted the one that was most effective. Since I don't plan on going the egg-saving route, I can start chemo after next week.  Decision #3: to be determined.

So I guess that's that for updates! Looks like I am making some forward progress so that's nice-like the post title, I may slip from time to time, but I keep on rising! Let me know if you have any questions! XOXO